A New Season

For all of December, I've been training for my Crisis Counselor position with Protocall Services.
Before me shift, I'd get up early enough to spend some time at the gym and eat breakfast. This allowed me to see the sunrise every morning before heading into work.

Today was my last day of my orientation period and am officially starting as part of the clinical team. I love the opportunity, the challenge, and the people at my new place of employment. I hope to spend many years to come growing as a clinician with Protocall Services, and am excited what this may lead to in my career.

I'm entering a new season of employment, so it seems appropriate to share some pictures I was able to take while catching one of those many sunsets. Also, I'll be starting my overnight shifts, so sunsets will be a welcome sight.

His Name Was Patrick

Solomon, A. (2001). The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression. New York: Scribner
Durkheim, E., & Spaulding, J. (2002). Suicide: A Study in Sociology. London: Routledge

   Someone recently inquired how I would spend my last remaining days of [f]unemployment before returning back to the work force. Though the unusually low gas prices tempted me to travel, I knew how I should [and wanted to] spend this time. 
   My days became occupied by researching as much as I could on the subject of depression and suicide. In preparation for my position, I spent hours reading over case studies, personal accounts, and research statistics. In various coffee shops, my illumination would transition from sunlight to readings lamps as they passed over my pages. I am by no means a fast reader, so finishing 500+ page books was a time consuming and emotionally taxing endeavor.

   As I finished up my last chapter, I was reminded of my time at Degage Ministries as the kitchen manager. This memory was surprisingly of a co-worker, not of a patron. 

   Shortly after I started working there, following years of volunteering, they hired in a new head of maintenance as well. His name was Patrick. Aside from naturally bonding over having an awesome name, Patrick would stop by the kitchen to hang out and joke around when I was there in the mornings. I would later come to find out Patrick would get in trouble for how much time he spent in the kitchen when he should have been doing... like ... maintenance. Still, I usually didn't remind him to go back to work, as I enjoyed his company.

   Occasionally we would talk about our lives: how we both grew up in the Irish Catholic tradition, what brought us to this job, and what was currently happening outside of work. Patrick, though only a little older than I was, had been married and had two kids. Patrick would sometimes share his disappointment in not always being there for his kids, and in not trying harder to save his marriage from divorce. Though a seemingly upbeat guy, he would often drift into self-abasing and listless talk.
   One morning, Patrick stopped by looking particularly down. You could almost see it hanging off his bones. He was starting to rip into himself again when I responded by offering some honest praise. At one point, I remember presenting one of his self-diagnosed flaws in a way that I believed it to be a strength. After a brief pause, I saw his face light up and I remember him saying "you make me feel nice". I am experienced in having a fragile self-concept, and I find it difficult to view myself in high esteem. Because of this, I enjoy taking time to affirm others.

  If circumstances were different, perhaps I would not have remembered that conversation. As it was, Patrick was eventually let go from his position at Degage. All those times in the kitchen and being inconsistent in completing his tasks caught up with him and he was asked to step down from the position. There were no hard feelings, though I was unable to get a hold of him after he left. It wasn't until several months later that I heard he had committed suicide. Amidst the many thoughts in my head, that conversation we had all that time ago came racing back, and I felt sorry for Patrick. Not only in his death did I feel sorry, but also in his life leading up to it. I didn't know if certain aspects of his life had improved or not. Even so, his suicide may have been unrelated to them. What I did know was that Patrick's response to my words of affirmation was "you make me feel nice". The reason I felt sorry was that while I could make him feel nice, I would guess he wasn't able to do the same for himself.

  While it may not always be clear whether a suicide can be considered 'rational' or 'irrational', it is always tragic. I don't know what precipitated Patrick taking his own life. If we are not able to find worth in ourselves and in living, we risk feelings of fatalism that may end in tragedy. For me, this worth has been found in my faith in Christ and God. In the pictured book above, Andrew Solomon acknowledges the worth of this existentialism. 

"...the refocusing of energy outside the self, the discovery of self-regard, the patience, the breadth of understanding. Faith is a great gift. It provides many of the advantages of intimacy without being contingent on the whim of a person." (Solomon, 2001, pg. 130)

  The many people I will come into contact with at my new position may be searching for this purpose to suffering, as many of us are, and I hope everything I remember will help me serve these people when they can't seem to find an answer.
  To quote a priest Mr. Solomon brings up in his book when asked 'how we could put something like this [suffering] in God's hands?'

"There's no 'put'. That's just where it is."

A Blustery Day

In preparation for my upcoming position as a crisis counselor, I have been reading case studies and novels on suicide and major depression. Though not as emotionally demanding as the real thing, it still takes a lot to read through these for hours at a time. So this week, aside from watching the Grand Rapids Symphony play music from Fantasia [with clips from the two films being shown], I traveled to Grand Haven Pier... illegally.

This Thursday, the lakeshore was being hit with steady wind at 45mph with gusts at 60mph, making for some beautiful waves. This means that in order to get out to pier, I had to cross some police tape, but I had never seen Lake Michigan like this. 

Tom joined in, and was supposed to tell me when a wave was about to hit us while I was taking pictures.
He didn't do a very good job at it ;)

Northern Lights

We had unseasonably wonderful weather this week. Pairing Autumn foliage with sunny, 75-degree weather inspired me to visit my old stomping ground at Center Lake Bible Camp. Being the off season, the camp was occupied by, maybe, 8 people. After greetings, I was free to wander the camp, taking pictures as I went. It was the kind of day where you didn't have to be doing anything to enjoy the weather. Which is good... considering how little I did.

Later, I joined up with Nate in Ludington for a chance to catch the Northern Lights. Even though I was only able to pick up a faint green glow and sporadic light pillars, the night on the pier was so warm and enjoyable that we didn't care. Regardless, I have now seen the northern lights... I only hope I get a chance to see them in greater splendor.

 

Just Drive

I love driving.

Often, I don't have a destination or a reason, but I will just drive. It helps gives me change of scenery, a place to think, and comes loaded with all my favourite music. Thanks to my job I had with the Grand Rapids Press I know the greater Grand Rapids area fairly well. Today I drove around the Ada/Lowell area. It was nice to see some of the neighborhoods I've helped deliver papers in again. I was able to enjoy the beautiful properties without having to work ... and not at 4am.



 

Rest assured, any pictures were taken while the vehicle was stationary.

Rosy Mound and Nordhouse Dunes

I couldn't tell you exactly why this week was as bad as it was. Situations hadn't changed that much; I am still without work, still "turtling" with my finances, and still unsure of when any of that will change. I am still exercising, still looking for jobs, and still finding the joy in my circumstances. However, just before this weekend, I became incredibly restless and anxious. I desperately searched for employment that had nothing to do with earning my social work license, I micro-analyzed my recent interactions, and began doubting the assurances granted to me.

However, grace came in the form of a trip to Rosy Mound to talk with two close friends, and spending last night in Nordhouse Dunes. This gave me the opportunity to test a sleeping bag in close to freezing temperatures. Both the bag and my friends warmed my heart when I needed it most... and both probably have sand that will take a long time to remove all of.

White Pine and Musketawa Trail

Thanks to the charity of others allowing me to borrow their bike and bike accessories [playing cards in the spokes is a must], I have been able to ride some of the local biking trails. These trails include the White Pine [Comstock Park to Rockford] and Musketawa Trail [Marne to Muskegon].

Both were beautiful to ride in the Autumn, and though the Musketawa took most of the day to ride [50 miles], it beckoned me to pause and appreciate its beauty... and the breaks were also appreciated.

Taking my apple-pickin' time

Even if I am in the thick of a chaotic schedule, I still love to find time to attend to my apple tree. I find it calming to spend time fertilizing, pruning, and treating my tree.

However, I've had all the time in the world recently, and I haven't put in time with my tree. There's a lot of other projects around the house that I haven't finished either. When I have nothing but free time, I find it difficult to accomplish anything I should be doing.

This week, however, my apples were fully ripened and needing to be picked. I was feeling sickly and generally unmotivated, but it was a nice day and I wasn't particularly interested in seeing how many job leads hadn't gotten back to me.

I got out my ladder, bushel basket, and began picking through branches sorting out the apples for pies [good apples] and saucing [blemished apples]. As the afternoon turned to evening, many of my neighbors had passed by, paying their compliments to the tree and it's yield. I always felt blessed by the apple tree, and it had been wonderful being able to bless my neighbors with free apples. By the end of the day, my mood had improved, and the autumn sunset provided a beautiful backdrop to finish to.

Before I put away my ladder and baskets, I snapped some pictures. Now I'm posting them here. Because that's what blogs are for.

Red Moons

Using a shoe and my trashcan as a tripod, I took pictures of the Red Supermoon Lunar Eclipse.

That's the first 'red moon'.

I also performed a new comedy set in a festival tent, alongside a cornhole tournament using a megaphone in lieu of a microphone. This was during Red Flannel Days in Cedar Springs.

That was the second 'red moon' 

Get it?

Subtle.

"Funemployment"

fun·em·ploy·ment

ˌfənəmˈploimənt/

noun

1. LATIN: monet nil
   the state of being unemployed, but, like, making the best of it

   • the joy that can hypothetically be experienced when you don't gotta do stuff.

     "As long as the activity doesn't cost money, I could really enjoy my funemployment"
   • really though, it's just as bad
     

     ________________________________________________________
   • 
     
   • 
     

       I've had a steady job since I was 16 years old. These jobs allowed me to buy my first car, buy my house, and earn my undergraduate degree without student loans. I've received help from my family, and I've been pretty frugal in order to save, but my work and finances have been something I'm proud of.
     
     

      ...And then I left on an adventure.

     
       God called me away from the structured, busy life I had made, and said "let's go exploring". I finished my degree, quit my job of eight years, and traveled to New Mexico. That was almost six months ago, and now I sit here, without employment, taking odd jobs from peoples generosity, and looking at a savings account that is one electric bill from being taken out back and shot.
     

      "He's my savings account, Pa. I'll do it."

     
       I'm not writing this because I'm miserable. Quite the contrary. But, I want to stress how unfamiliar I am with this. Being dependent on others and God to this extent is unfortunately novel to me. I've been without work for almost two months, and I certainly wasn't working at Glorieta Camps for the money, so I haven't seen a real paycheck in quite some time.
     
       So what does anyone do when they are hard up for cash, stalking job postings like a starved raptor, and uncertain of how to properly invest his time?
     

      ...You go to Canada,

     
        My good friend Mike Johnson [Dark Moose] pitched the idea when he said he needed some help putting down flooring at his [biological] mother, Liz's house. The plan was to head to Toronto, earn a bit of cash, and gas/meals would be covered. The crew consisted of me, Mike, and our friend Nate Storvik. What started as a trip to help out and have money go INTO my account turned out to be something completely different. Something better.
     
       We spent four days being shown around Toronto and experiencing some great home-cooked meals, courtesy of Liz. We went to Chinatown, Greektown, the Ukranian Festival, Lake Ontario, and the Aquarium of Canada. 
   • 
     

     

   
   

   • 
     

   • Going into this trip, Mike, Nate, and I were all at various point of unemployment and learning how to experience it in a way that brings glory to God and draws us closer. Being able to talk and laugh with them encouraged me to enjoy the "funemployment" while trying to navigate the uncertainties that comes with it.

   • I wish there was something I could have given them in return...

   • ...Oh right, my cold. I gave them the cold I had. ..Oops.

   
   

   • 
     

The Glorieta Day Camp Team

It has been exactly one month since the last day of camp, and I miss the team back at Glorieta camps. I knew that working in close proximity with a team for an entire summer would make close bonds. However, it also seemed out of all the other programs running at camp, our team was able to stay the most cohesive. For that, I am thankful, because I think without this team this summer would have been much more difficult. I wanted to take a moment to remember and share the individual members that made up our team. 

Glorieta Day Camp Summer Staff 2015

Casey Butler King of the Wild Frontier

A loyal and honest man whom I had the honour of travelling and working with in New Mexico. I've never met anyone more passionate about nature and wilderness and seemed most at home deep in the heart of the mountains.

Camon
A comical gent who I could always rely on to understand any obscure reference. By his own account, this summer was a time of growing as he had never ventured out on an adventure quite like this. Moments before I took this picture, I promise he was actually making a very pleasant face... but this seemed appropriate; Poetic, even.

Garrett
One of the guys in my core group of counselors. Garrett was an honourable and jovial man who always seemed to talk to the kids on a very personable level and held great expectations for his campers. He tried to teach me to throw a pass in rugby - of which I could literally never grasp.

Maddie
A beautiful person, in every sense of the word [Urban Dictionary not withstanding]. She was able to connect with the campers with compassion and understanding, and extended that same compassion to staff when we needed it. She truly sought to connect and know nature [pictured here], and was a mean shot at archery tag.

Anna
One of the most sincere and sweetest people I have met. When I unexpectedly left for Detroit for my grandmother's funeral, she got everyone to sign a card for me - which also came with bubblegum! Though she felt called to join the understaffed kitchen for the last part of the summer, she was always part of 'Day Cayump!'. 

Caleb
Awkwardly sticking his hips out, Caleb was an incredibly fun and caring person, and 'one of my favourite people'. We spent a lot of time together on the waterfront judging cannonballs and blob flights while guarding lives and such. Caleb always seemed to fit in best with the youngest aged campers, which makes sense given his natural energy and compassion. 

Katy
Served on core staff with me, and was the default mother of our group. More than that, Katy was a constant source of encouragement and joy [my picture doesn't even do it justice]. She planned most of our weekend trips to various hiking locations and natural parks, and made sure we all felt at home during our time at camp.

AJ
Day Camp staff by marriage [to Katy], AJ did so much for day camp staff by helping run activities and being a generally fun presence in his off-time [and probably some scheduled time] on maintenance. AJ stands out in my mind as a wonderfully cynical, dark-humoured guy who was the first person to make me feel welcome at camp by abducting me into his vehicle. 

Carrey
[photo provided by Chelsea Cochrane]
The Texan who made me appreciate the finer things of southern culture... and was also a core staffer with me. Carrey was always up for a fun adventure. I remember me, Casey, and Carrey [the three core staff amigos] leaving a staff meeting by yelling "Core Staff.... ROLL OUT!" and then proceeded to somersault through the woodchips. He was one of the best lifeguards I ever worked with, despite his questionable swimshorts.

Carson
[photo provided by Chelsea Cochrane]
Most commonly known as "Thor", Carson was a wonderful counselor with a big heart. I mean that in both the figurative and literal sense seeing as he was well over six feet tall and probably had a pretty impressive cardiovascular system. He always had the best smile, and gave some pretty great hugs. Even now that I'm back home, I hope I'll find him sleeping in his hammock just outside the door like at camp.

Caitlin 
[photo from Facebook]
I'm not sure if she wanted to be remembered for it, but she was definitely one of the more responsible of this crazy bunch. She was able to provide a source of joy while also making sure the campers (and staff) didn't do anything too stupid. Caitlin had an true eye for beauty in her photographs, her sketches, and her general outlook on life. 

Christa 
[photo from Facebook]
It's hard to picture Christa without a smile on her face. She was an encouragement in both her faith and her zest for life. She was a fair and patient counselor, who was always up for a good camp game of capture the flag. 

David
The other member of my core group, David would always greet me with a warm "Hi, Friend!". David was incredibly kind and fun-loving, and through the summer was able to balance fun and structure with his campers. David was one of the best rock climbers of our group, and was always ready to meet a challenge. 

Haley
[photo from Facebook (peak of Glorieta baldy)]
Haley is the type of person where, if you weren't paying attention, you might miss out on all she brought to the team. She was a great counselor with a sharp wit, but never drew much attention to herself. She was dependable, honest, and if you listened you could usually hear her make a pretty funny comment during staff meeting... probably about Matt.

Marina 
[top of picture]
The few times I needed to counsel due to staff shortage, I usually teamed up with Marina. We were able to work well together and I was happy to have her as my co-counselor. Marina stuck through the summer despite illness, health complications, and having times where she had to counsel a cabin by herself. She is tenacious.

Kaylen
[photo from Facebook]
A source of unapologetic joy, Kaylen's natural energy and warm personality made her a wonderful addition to our counseling team. Kaylen was always on board with any of the ridiculous activities I facilitated with her cabin, and was willing to be crazy for her campers.

Matthew
Every team needs a nuclear reactor: a source of energy that powers the entire team. However, if you only knew Matthew for his enthusiasm and unfiltered sass, you would miss out in knowing a very sincere and thoughtful person with a true heart for God.
I also appreciated our camp-spa days [soaking our feet in epsom salt water tubs].

Mercedes
[bottom of picture]
My last week at camp, I counseled with Mercedes for the youngest age group. When I was worn out by the little ones, Mercedes seemed to excel with them. On the first day of camp, she was helping teary-eyed kids leave their mother's side and join with their cabins. Though she was gone for the middle of the summer due to military training, she was still a present member of our team.

Chelsea and Simeon Cochrane
[photo courtesy of Elizabeth Cochrane]
Chelsea and I were both on day camp core staff together, and even counseled together one week when we were short-staffed. Chelsea has an eye for finding beauty in the most unassuming places, and shows wisdom far beyond her years. Chelsea [and her husband Simeon] are some of my favourite people, and I don't think a single picture will ever exist that personifies them more.
...Oh, and they were good at their jobs and stuff.

Jake
Jake lived in our closet.
...
Even though he worked in an adjacent program, Jake was part of the group. Jake and Christa were both in a long-running program before the summer started and therefore helped the summer staff become acquainted with the camp.
Cool guy.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth worked in the kitchen, but was always welcome.
She provided us with baked good almost as sweet as her.

---

I am thankful for such a great team, and as we have all returned to our many different corners of the country I hope everyone is doing well. I won't forget this summer and the people that made it as enjoyable as it was.

Glorieta Day Camp Summer 2015
“You Right”

1 Corinthians 1:30
God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our Benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God: He made us pure and holy, and He freed us from sin

Upper Pensisula

Following our time with the family at, my father and I traveled through the upper peninsula, making stops in Crystal Falls, Marquette, and camped by a little town running between Manistique and South Manistique lake called Curtis, MI. Curtis is a... precious little town...

... Really?

I enjoyed being able to spend this time with my father, and the trip was a nice 'vacation' after my summer in the mountains.