Around January of last year, I was doing a string of comedy performances at open mics. For anyone, It's a good chance to test out new material. In my experience, most open mics can be a bit crass, but I've met a lot of genuinely funny people who make it easy to look past the occasional unsavory sense of humour.
One particular open mic, the comedian immediately after me had a number of jokes that were landing and got the audience laughing a fair bit. Near the middle of his set, he told a joke describing the frustration he and his wife were facing in trying to have a baby. He shared that they have even had a couple miscarries. His punch-line to this unfortunate story was that they were going to name their next kid "Amber" since they lost so many. I winced in discomfort.
At open mics, the audience is mostly other comedians, so its easy to stick around after the show wraps up and grab a few drinks with each other. On my way out I ran into the comedian who came on after me. We were both bald so, naturally, we had an immediate camaraderie. We got talking and I told him that I thought he had a solid set, but was honest in saying that I thought his 'Amber Alert' joke was a bit much. The guy responded that "perhaps so", but went on to explain that he wasn't just making up that story for the sake of the joke (as some comedians do). He shared that it had been about a year and a half since their last miscarry, and only recently felt comfortable enough to be able to tell that joke. It was a sense of closure and catharsis for him to be able to laugh about their tragedy. However inappropriate the joke may have seemed to me, it was very important that this guy could express it, and I couldn't help but respect that.
I remembered this story today because of an Amber Alert received on my phone this morning. The lost girl in question was found shortly after, which was a relief. Whether it is a missing child, miscarriage, death of a loved one, or any other tragedy, we can have difficulty in processing the pain. Many times, we seek to numb, ignore, or fight the pain, but ultimately the sooner we can address that we are hurt, the sooner we can heal. So, I learned, through a crass joke, that healing can look very diferent, and that's okay.
Here's to telling jokes, and not becoming one.
-Patrick
